THE CHILD, THE TANTRUM, THE CRAZY BITCH AND THE FENCE CALLED - LIFE...
By Tali Brash

This morning I woke up feeling so angry, like a little girl who wants to throw a tantrum....well, not like...I did. I started punching my pillows and screaming into them a bit (crazy bitch). I felt blocked in my voice. There was another voice in my head saying 'cmon, just meditate. Get out of bed. Go have something to eat. Maybe go for a walk?'

But like an angry teenager, I scrolled through facebook & instagram, letting the inner heat rise up even more as time passed and withered away.

I didn't have breakfast, didn't shower, wasted more time lying in bed patting my cat and yet somehow through all the resistance I got myself to my network chiropractic appointment.

I lay there with a head full of voices screaming, rage in my body and tears in my eyes.
I breathed and moved through all the 'stuckness', felt like someone was ripping my diaphragm out...so tight & so sore.
And then slowly but surely I started to come out of it, I felt the surrender. The peace start to come back. A floating back down into myself...into my heart and my body.
When he asked me how I was at the end - without any effort my voice was very deep and resonant, I didn't have to 'try and use my voice' it was just simply there and powerful.

I can see having come out of it and having more perspective (cos when that voice is ruling I cannot see shit) how there was a trigger the other day, a family related trigger that I won't go into...but something that sparked this voice to come up and protect. Protect me from feeling pain, hurt, sadness and anger. But by letting that voice 'rule' - I was really just stifling all of that and letting it seep out anyway, just in a more unhealthy way.

I can see the signs now more clearly too:
- Scrolling annoyingly through facebook and instagram
- Eating more sugar
- Don't eat 3 proper meals a day
- Can't meditate and sit still
- Really busy mind
- Shut off from the world
- No structure, it becomes blurred when I'm 'working' and when I'm 'resting'
- Struggle more with money
- Feel lonely
- Want someone else to make things happen for me
- And I can't decide on anything

Thankfully I feel like I now know what to do when these patterns start to play out...and it's not that they never happen anymore or that I'm working to eliminate them (the voices) they will always be there, they're a part of my make up...but what I'm noticing is the time it takes to come back to myself, my true voice, is getting faster. What may have been playing out for months/weeks is now only a couple of days...sometimes hours and it's with awareness and having the support systems and people in place in my life that I can come back to me. Tali - the 28 year old, beautiful young woman who's passionate, healthy, vibrant and living her dream.

For me being an artist, my creativity is pretty high up there in my priorities. Balancing the inner child who wants to play and be creative all the time, with the adult in me who wants structure, routine, generous timing for things, balance, discipline etc. I live on that fence a lot and swing sometimes too much one way. But what I've realised is that The Voices Of...work I've created does just that...it lets these parts in you have a platform to express - bc let's face it they all want to be heard. But it's balanced and has structure to it because it's being channelled into something creative - a character, a song, a dance or a piece of writing...